I don't NEED Chocolate... right?

I'm aiming to not eat any chocolate today. This is extremely hard for me. First because I just love it. Second because this sits on my desk....




These aren't just any M&Ms either... they are peanut butter M&Ms. I've gotten into the very bad habit of having 2 or 3 after breakfast... then another 2 or 3 after lunch... and then a few in the afternoon because well I just get bored. So today I'm putting a stop to it! I will not eat any little chocolaty things today. I've moved the M&M machine from right on my desk to one of the tables in the reception area (which is mere feet from my desk... but not within arms length!).

Wish me luck! I seem to be somewhat insatiable today. Breakfast kept me full for all of an hour and a half and I finished lunch 15 minutes ago and my stomach still feels empty. Maybe I didn't have enough protein? I know I didn't have much at breakfast and I think that was a big mistake. Live and learn, right?

Biscuit Hell!

I'm watching the Biggest Loser from last night. CRAZY I tell you!

In other news I was NOT the Biggest Loser today. Made a bunch of TERRIBLE choices. Started the day off in Biscuitland! Our morning talk show was on biscuits in the south. So we had Bojangles, the Flying Biscuit and then a local chef's home made biscuits at the station. I couldn't resist and that just started a bunch of poor eating for the day. However. I tracked everything throughout the day. I got home and just tracked everything else that I ate today (after I Got home)... it was ugly. 41 points worth of ugly. BUT I still have 4 flex points and all of my APs to get me through til Friday. So I'm not going to stress. And most importantly I'm not going to let one day screw up my whole week.

Why? Because the online Biggest Loser challenge is ON! I'm on Angie's team and ready to kick some butt!!

That being said I did skip boot camp tonight. I could hardly move today! My quads, butt, back, shoulders, arms, abs... all hurt. But it's a good hurt. I didn't totally take the night off though. I took the dogs for a 2.5 mile walk. I didn't count the APs but at least I was out there moving. Tomorrow it's back to boot camp!

I'm not going to write out my menu today. Just know that I ate a LOT of crap. My jeans were tight. But I counted it all. Whew! Feels good to know I'm not 'cheating.'

Off to CHUG major amounts of water.

Downer

I have a feeling this post may be a bit of a downer. I'm just in that kind of mood. Why? I have no idea. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I've eaten nothing but sugar and fried crap for the past week? Yes... I do believe that would have a negative affect on my mood :)

Backing up Cancun was awesome! Pictures here. It was cloudy and windy the last two days (I was only there 4) but we still had fun. Hit up the spa and I managed to get the SMALLEST amount of color. Hey, it's better than nothing, right?

But I got home and have been in a funk ever since. I can't get my eating under control. Why I think it's ok to eat french fries and candy cane joe joes until I feel sick I'm just not quite sure. Everyday I wake up and say ok -- today I'm going to get back on track. And then fail somehow. I gained SIX pounds while gone... and I don't seem to be putting an end to the gaining there. Argh. I was so close to the 160s and now I'm just far away. Someone come to Charlotte and just SLAP some sense into me. For real. I need it!

I also had a crappy night at boot camp. I guess eating like crap had me feeling like crap (I know, who would have thunk it?) and then I was again the slowest one there. I had the lowest weight possible for the exercises and was STILL the slowest. Just after a while it can get demoralizing... always being the weakest link. Always being just a few steps behind everyone else (and well lets be honest, sometimes more than a few steps behind). Generally I'm ok with it. But tonight for some reason I literally was on the verge of tears (ok maybe one or two actually came out). I was just done and annoyed and frustrated. I don't want to ALWAYS be the slow one. Just once...I would like to not be last. I guess the only way that's going to happen is to keep going... keep working out.. keep at it.

I'm trying to take all of the negative stuff from today and turn it into a positive for tomorrow. We're doing a bit of a pot luck at work for Thanksgiving, but I should be able to do ok. If I could just stay to like 26 points I'd feel good. Then Sat is a new week, a new start. Screw Thanksgiving.. I'm not even thinking about that food yet. I need to get through Sat, Sun, Mon, Tues... before I'm even on my WAY to Thanksgiving food. No reason to throw all of those days away because there will be turkey on pie on Thursday, right?

I CANNOT keep going like I'm going. If I do I'll be right back to 196 by the new year. Negating ALL the hard work I put in this year.

So here's to tomorrow being a better day!

Eating has still be crap. Yesterday I had a piece of pound cake for breakfast, and veggie wrap with fries for lunch and that's about it. I skipped dinner. A habit I need to get out of and soon. Today I have to make myself eat as I have Trainer Boy tonight. Seeing him on an empty stomach is a horrid idea. And I have a feeling he's not going to care that I'm going through some crap right now. I mean I'm sure he'll CARE... but it doesn't mean he's going to work me any less. And that's why I heart him. If I didn't have to remain accountable to him I know I'd totally just stop going to the gym right now. So thank goodness for TB. Whatever keeps me going, right?

I promise one of these days I'm going to be fun, happy, jeannie blogger again. But for the time being I just can't really seem to muster up the energy. It's taking enough out of my to keep a smile on my face at work.

I'm heading to my parents' house tomorrow. It will be good to get away. Arleigh signs her new lease tonight so she'll stay at the house with the pups while I'm gone, but I'm assuming all of her stuff will be moved out by the time I get back. That scares me. I'll have a huge massive walk-in closet all to myself. Every girl's dream, right? But there will be something so tragically sad about it. And a double vanity will now just remind me that it's just me. Or maybe Maddie the pup will learn how to use the sink? Then she could use the other. teehee. I cleaned out the pantry last night and got all of her food together to take. I guess that's one good thing -- I won't have nearly as many temptations laying around. No more 9pm smores snacks. No more "I'm craving chocolate chip cookies"....

Life sure is going to be different. But different doesn't always have to be bad, right? Someone tell me I'm right.

Weekend Rewind

The bachelorette rocking out

Four cousins on the subway

Dinner at Vynl

So I was in NYC/North Jersey all weekend. I thought I did pretty well... considering the circumstances... and hopped on the scale last night to see it was up SEVEN POUNDS!!!! Yikes! I'm sure a lot of it is being bloated, but I need to be EXTRA good this week to see a loss!!! It didn't help that last night I had a lack of protein headache (even though I had bacon and eggs at a very NJ Diner for breakfast). At 3am I woke up in SO much pain (I had a headache when I got in bed but hoped it would go away) so I got up and took 3 advil and ate a HUGE spoonful of peanut butter. NICE! I'm sure that fat is just sitting on my thighs right now. HA!

Ok so to start of the weekend my flight was super delayed. They canceled the two flights before mine and I thought they were going to cancel mine too. I thought they were going to cancel mine too, but we finally took off at 10:30. We were supposed to leave at 8. We had been on the plan since 9. I got in at 12:15am, and my aunt picked me up (and had been circling the airport since 10:45 because continentals sight was wrong and said thats when we were getting in!!!!! I felt so bad). Got to my aunt's house and was asleep by 1am. My alarm went off at 9:30 and get this. I got up, put on my workout clothes and went to the basement! I did day 3 of week 2 couch to 5k AND lifted! She has 8lb weights so I did my arms! TB would have been so proud. So I got in a good hour long workout. I showered and then my younger cousin (Glori... Glo for short) and I were off to the foodstore to get stuff. God my aunt -- she said "Jeannie, just put it all on Glo's credit card and I'll take care of it" so we had a FIELD day in Whole Foods. Got 3 kinds of cheese, nuts, grapes, pineapple salsa, guac, chips and fancy pink lemonade and tangerine sodas. We got back to to my aunt's around 1:30 and she made us pancakes with a fruit compote (more on that later). They were yummy. I had 3 since I hadn't eaten anything and knew I wouldn't eat much more til Annies (the bachelorette herself!) at 5. Not too bad, right? Ok.

Off we went to Re's apt (Re would be Annie. Her full name is AnneMarie and her nickname as a baby was ReRe... which I brought back a few years ago. She is so thankful ha!). So Re had her apt all cleaned and we got the food set up and ready. Her apt is small, but for NY its pretty big. I ate my fair share of apps, but didn't go super overboard. I also had some of the sangria someone brought (it was peach and made with white wine and super yummy) and 1 glass of champagne. Other than that I drank water. We had a fun time at Re's apt playing games and it was a great ice breaker. There were only 7 of us, but it was perfect. Around 8:45 we headed out for dinner. Got uptown and there was NO wait for a table at dinner! The place was so cool -- Vynl on 51st and 9th I think. Splitting the check up not including Re it was $16 per person. For NY? That's dirt cheap!!! I got a grilled cheese and it came with home made chips. I ate like 6 bites of the grilled cheese as I wasn't that hungry and like TWO of the chips. I was so proud for not eating it because it was there. I also drank like 64 glasses of water because each bathroom has a theme -- Dolly Parton, Cher, Nelly (random I know), and I forget who the last one was. But I wanted to try them all out. ha! After that we went across the street to VinTage a wine/martini bar. I just had water there and everyone enjoyed a cockail. It was a cool place but our waitress sucked. We left there around 11:45, took a cab uptown to Re's house.

I helped her clean up, and then Glo and I went back to Jersey! I was in bed at 1:35am. And WIDE AWAKE AT 8:15!!! I then got up and showered, got my stuff packed up and went downstairs and had a cup of tea and watched ESPN.... I can't believe UNC lost.... tragic.

Finally people started waking up, by the time Glo got showered it was noon. We headed out to a Diner for breakfast and then they dropped me at the airport. Flight was on time, I was in my house by 5pm and hit up the foodstore and all of that Sunday fun. I wanted to get to bed by 10 but didn't get to bed til 11. I'm dragging today, but it's ok. At least it's not raining here. Today high of 60, tomorrow 64, Wednesday 74!!!! And by Friday we're in the 80s. HOLLA!!!!!!

Since I didn't have the energy to whip up a batch of pumpkin waffles last night I made my own fruit compote for the week! I just got a bag of frozen berries, a little bit of water and a tsp of sugar. Bring the water and sugar to a boil and add in the fruit. Then just let it simmer on med/low until it was thick. It took like 20 min and I just stirred it from time to time. So today I have eggos for breakfast but will add a fruit serving with my compote! I packed up a little bit of it and will heat it up in the micro. I can't wait!!!

Ok menu time!

Bfast:
2 eggos and fruit compote - 3

Lunch:
pb&j - 3
yogurt - 2
fruit salad - 1

Snacks:
celery - 0
crackers and babybel light - 3
sf pudding if needed (hopefully not though) - 1

Dinner:
I'm thinking pasta with rotis. chicken a little bit of red sauce and TONS of veggies (spinach, asparagus, peps, onions, broc) - 7

I'll have 4 points to play with, so thats not bad! NO FLEX POINTS TODAY!!!!

Gym after dinner -- I'll do day one of week THREE on the couch to 5k and abs. My quads are still sore from Thurs. Gotta love TB!

HAPPY MONDAY!

I slacked a bit last night. I got home and made the chicken cakes (which came out really good) with some whole wheat cous cous and asparagus. Dinner was delish! But I was planning on going to the gym after dinner and I just did NOT have the energy or motivation. I finally talked myself into going, got changed and went. Usually that's the hardest part. But I just couldn't get into the gym last night. I did 20 minutes on the bike and then only lasted 10 on the treadmill. But it's still better than not going at all, right? Then I came home and even though I decided I wasn't going to eat anything else, I broke down and had fruit with ff whipped cream. Again, better than say ice cream (which is really what I wanted haha).

Today I'm back on track and ready to go! I'm meeting up with people at Carrabbas for dinner tonight. YIKES! They don't have ANY nutritional info online. Argh. And a lot of their grilled stuff comes with sauces. And the salmon is like 17 bucks!!!! So annoying. After poring over the menu, I think I've decided on this: "CHICKEN GRATELLA - Grilled chicken breast basted with olive oil and herbs." I've been trying to eat light throughout the day (thought it's not going totally as planned) and have my gym bag packed. I figure I can get in 30-45 minutes at the gym and go straight to dinner from there. I may be smelly, but I'm over it.

And spring has certainly sprung here! It's currently 70 and sunny. We just did a walk around the lake (1 mile). Tomorrow it's going up to 75, and I've heard rumors of 80 for Friday! I might have to scoot out a few minutes early. If it's not raining on Saturday I hope to spend a lot of the day outside.

Menu time!

Bfast:
cinnamon life w/ 1/2 cup milk - 3
yoplait light thick and creamy - 2

Lunch:
salad w/ a few nuts, peppers, cucumbers, tomato and ff dressing - 1
Smoothie King Pineapple pleasure - 3
Kashi waffle (random, but I was still hungry) - 1

Snacks:
strawberries - 0
100 cal popcorn - 1
pb bliss bar - 1

Dinner:
Carrabbas! I'll try to stay away from pasta, potatoes, cream sauces and bread! We'll see how it goes....

Back to Reality

On Saturday I really don't think I ate a single thing that WASNT fried. I had a friend visiting from out of town, and well, it was just bad. I also went to my meeting EARLY in the morning on Sat and was up 1.6. Which is ok. It was the drive and I deserved the gain. I just need to get it all back under control this week! I did ok yesterday -- I had dinner at 6:30 and then didn't eat anything else the rest of the night. Which was SOOOOO hard.. but I did it! So hopefully I'm over the hard part. hahaha. Yesterday I made individual puddings, hard boiled eggs, a few pasta lunches and vitamuffins. So I'm certainly stocked for the week.

This week will be hard with birthday cake and lunches out (my bday is on Sat!)
-- but I just kept thinking on Saturday night how much of a better feeling it is to make GOOD choices and to LOSE weight than to have a burger and fries. I'm armed and ready for today!!

I'm packed and ready to hit up the gym after work. I'm hoping to get in a hard cardio workout since I haven't been since Friday. I REALLY wanted to go yesterday but the gym was closed for Easter. I mean REALLY! haha.

Menu time....

Bfast:
choco milk - 3 (I can't wait for the day when I can drink straight up milk)
cinnamon life - 3

Lunch (it's a BIG lunch)
smart pasta w/ meat sauce, onions, peppers, broc and spinach - 5
free salad w/ a few cashews - 2 (thats an overestimation, but i figure better to go over)

Snacks:
pudding w/ strawberries - 1
chocolate vitamuffin - 1

Dinner:
Not sure -- I'm thinking maybe a HUGE salad w/ leftover rotisserie chicken, avocado, baby spinach, cashews, peppers, etc.... we shall see. - 6 or so

That's 21 points so I'll have 3 more points to play with.

Ok - Easter is over and we have a break from basketball for a while so lets all get back on track!!! Happy Monday!

Last Day of CRAZY food

We only have $65,733 more to raise for our drive! Which we can definitely do today if we keep up our momentum. We did 30k this morning alone. WOOHOO! And today is the last day of TONS of food laying around. PRAISE BE!!!!!

I did HORRIBLEY yesterday. I think I ended up eating 38 points. I had Moes for lunch (aka a burrito and chips and queso). I had pizza for dinner. Ben & Jerrys lighten up ice cream after the gym. It was bad. But I worked out HARD so at least that hopefully offset some of it. I did arms with Trainer Boy which is always my hardest and he had no mercy (which was good) and then I did 35 minutes on the treadmill. Did 2.3 miles not to mention the 2 laps I did around the lake at work. Soooo at least I didn't just eat 38 points and then sit around and do nothing :)

Today Dunkin Donuts was for breakfast. I had 1/2 a donut and a piece of bread. Carb loading, what?? Ha! But lunch is Quiznos and I'll have no problems passing that up. No dinner planned, so I'll hit up the gym as soon as I'm done here and make something with VEGGIES once I get home. I hopped on the scale this morning and it looks like all of the greasy food hasn't caught up with me yet. I'm going to a meeting tomorrow since my friend is visiting from out of town this weekend. Just means I need to be extra good today! I've already drank 1/2 a nalgene which is saying a lot since I usually haven't even filled it up by this point.

I just want to maintain this week. Here's hoping!

Menu for today:

Bfast:
see above - 8

lunch:
chicken and pasta bake - 4

snacks:
nectarine - 1
yogurt (yeah milk!) - 2
pudding w/ 1 graham cracker (more milk!) - 3

That will give me 6 points for dinner tonight. I'm not sure what I'll make -- maybe have some leftover meatloaf muffins and then couscous w/ TONS of veggies in it. Mmmm sounds good.

And tonight I plan on doing dishes (you should see my sink right now... it's insane) and watching basketball!

Even after my breakfast splurge I did ok yesterday! I really didn't eat all that much the rest of the day. Had a salad, smoothie and biscuit at work. Then I went to the gym for an hour and sweat like nobody's business! It was awesome. Got home and made TJs mini pizza for dinner. We had pizza here at work so I was craving it, but knew it was a million points. So I was proud of my compromise. And I REALLY REALLY wanted something sweet after my pizza, but it was already 8:30 and I wasn't hungry... I was just bored you know? So I resisted temptation!!! I don't think I used any flexies, but I went back and overestimated my breakfast and biscuit just in case. But I still have 19 flexies for the rest of the week and have only used 2 of my 9 APs. I just have two more days of food at work to get through! I can do this!

Just resisted Burger King breakfast. I'm going to have a leftover organic oatmeal pancake from yesterday which is about 5 points I think. A lot but SO freakin filling and from the recipe not all that bad either! Tonight I have to babysit for someone I work with. It's annoying because I really just want to get out of here and go to the gym and get home. But instead I'll have to leave here at like 4:30, go watch his kids from 5-8:30ish and then won't get home til 9. I'm going to be POOPED. But he had to come in and work and his wife is working tonight (shes a nurse) so I'm taking one for the team. It will be a long day, but a little cash at the end is always welcome. And his kids are adorable. I'm sure I'll get my butt kicked in Candy Land again.

Ok menu time!!!

Bfast:
oatmeal pancake - 5
hot tea - 0

Lunch:
I have my chicken pasta bake as a back up - 4
but lunch is from Just Fresh which has some yummy healthy, FRESH options so I'll see what they bring and make a decision

Snacks:
grapes - 1
YOGURT (i need my milk!) - 2

Dinner:
babysitting... I've got 2 meatloaf muffins - 4
or we'll see what the kiddies are having

No gym today, but tomorrow night is Trainer Boy (even though I'm still sore from last week), and I'll do a lap around the lake with people from work (roughly 1 mile). We've gone everyday of the drive. It's not really a workout for me, but it's great to just get up and move a little bit during the day. And for some of the people I work with it really is a workout and I'm just SO proud of them for bringing their sneaks and keeping up with it. One woman is quite overweight. She huffs and puffs and is really slow but that doesn't matter! I'm just so happy she's getting out and walking with us, you know? So I've been trying to really encourage all of them to get out and come even if they are slow. It's not a race!

Flying Biscuit Yummies

While I had a great weigh in on Sat (down 2), I did pretty horribly this weekend. I tracked everything and didn't go over my points by too much, but I didn't eat anything healthy. Carbs everywhere and not enough protein, fruits, veggies, milk or water! I hopped on the scale this morning to a 3 pound gain. Now I'm not TOO worried... but I have a rough week ahead of me with constant food at work and 12 hour days so I need to be on my BEST behavior. Which will be really hard, but I'll try my best.

This morning the Flying Biscuit delivered breakfast and the spread was out of this world. Eggs, turkey bacon, chicken sausage, potatoes, grits, biscuits and these MASSIVE organic oatmeal pancakes. I had a pancakes, a piece of bacon and a few bites of eggs. I'm estimating it at 8 points... YIKES! But the pancake was seriously out of this world. One of the best I've had in my LIFE! I might steal a few if we have leftovers to freezer for later in the week. YUM-O! I plan on scooting out of here around 10:30ish to run to S-bucks and get a Steamer. I've had NO milk servings since Friday. Which is unacceptable. So I'm back to it today.

As for my weekend it was ok. Saturday got up at 6:30, worked til 12:30 , went to the gym and then came home, watched the end of the Carolina game (SO intense) and then took a 2 hour nap til 6:30. I got up, made dinner, watched some TV and was back in bed by 10:30. It was great. Yesterday I got up and worked for a few hours, watched the Carolina game (another good one), hit up the food store, made dinner and watched TV. I snuck in 2 loads of laundry too... but all in all it was a quiet weekend. Which is what I needed to recoup from last week and get ready for this week. And Laura comes on Sat morning so that will be fun!!

Ok... here's my menu for today. I'm trying REALLY hard not to use any Flexies today but I don't know if thats possible. I need to use a LOT of self control. Also I need to get back to chugging water... I've been super lax about it the past few days.

Bfast:
See above - 8

Snack:
steamer - 3

Lunch:
Johnny Burrito is scheduled which I can easily pass up so I'll have...
salad w/ feta and cashews - 3
yogurt - 2
grapes - 1

Snacks:
fruit salad - 1

Dinner:
going super light - leftover meatloaf from last night - 4
maybe some veggies - 0

If I REALLY need a snack I'll have pudding or something else for 2 points

That's not a lot of food between now (8am) and when I go to bed (hopefully like 9:30pm). But I'm going to try SO hard to not have any of the PIZZA provided for dinner -- to just pick it up, set it out at work and then head to the GYM! I'll get home around 7ish, I'll have my meatloaf, shower and get ready for bed. I can do this!

But send me good vibes anyway just in case :)

Hungry

I'm hungry. I feel like I've eaten a lot today. But my tummy is still growling. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that over the weekend I ate all the time.... and ate a LOT. Also might have something to do with the fact that TOM started today. Yippee.

That being said I'm trying to be good. Trying REALLY hard not to eat some chocolate, or anything else laying around this place. I'm sipping on a mug of hot tea. It's no chocolate, but I guess it's something. Here's my menu so far...

Breakfast:
honeybell orange (someone was on vacay in fla and brought them in SOO yummy - 1
2 low fat waffles w/ little bit of pb - 4

Lunch:
TJs pasta (I forget what it was called but came frozen and i just cooked it up last night for lunches this week -- its penne w/ a RRP sauce) - 6
Bell Pepper and tomato soup - 1

Snacks:
piece of chocolate - 1
100 cal pack - 2

That's everything I've had so far. I'm thinking I'll have another 2 point snack before leaving work today. But right now I'm trying to just drink this damn tea to fill me up. It's not working.

For dinner I'm going to stop at the store and get some fruits and veggies as I'm out! I'llprobably make my new fave, TJs pita pizza.

Then I'm hoping to do a fruit salad or something else with it. We shall see. But I've gotta keep it light since I've been eating through points like mad today!!

So after work I'm going to the gym. The a quick stop at the foodstore. Then home to make dinner and watch TBL! Woohoo! Jillian's mom comes tonight! So fun.

Rough Week

I've been having a rough week. For some reason I just have no self control. I was so good last week, and this week it's just gone. My friend and I have been discussing our struggles on g-chat. It's been making me think.

A little background... this is one of my best friends since I was in first grade. We went to different high schools, but then the same college. As for this weekend -- I'm heading home for a BIG family party. My cousin is coming home from Iraq so there will be every sort of Philly comfort food in large supply (soft pretzels, cheese steaks, hoagies, etc).

me:dude, i need to get back on track starting NOW... not tomorrow, not sat but NOW!

2:06 PM if i wait til tomorrow ill eat my face off tonight... then tomorrow ill say F it til i get back on sun night which will be BAD ..... sooo much food is in my future this weekend

2:07 PM Friend: yes, completely. keep telling yourself that. and this weekend, TASTE things but dont go crazy if you can help it.

me: i know

i just dont understand why i do this you know?

like how do i stand at the kitchen counter eating pretzels when in my head im literally saying "youre not hungry... you dont need this..."

but i still take another bite... SO stupid but i literally cant stop sometimes

ugh!!!!

2:10 PM Friend: i do the same. sabatoging self.

its awful

me: but why... why do we do it?

i just dont get it

Friend: is it some deep thing about not really liking ourselves or something? or not really believing we'll ever be thin? so we might as well just eat away anyway.

god i hope not

me: thats probably it

2:11 PM so silly and sad

2:14 PM Friend: it is. its like subconscious

me: i feel like if i could figure out the answer to why i don't just listen to my body... then id be much better off

2:16 PM Friend: I think thats what it is with me. I'm like, well I can get down to 116 or so, thats the lowest ive been. meanwhile i read and hear things that say someone my height should be 100 lbs. so its like, wahts the point? i'm always going to be "curvy". i'll never be like my sister. and i'll always love food, cooking, and eating.

me: yes

i mean look at ALL the women in my family

2:17 PM its almost like i figure im destined to be overweight so why bother?

but i never feel GOOD after mindless "f it" eating

it doesnt make anything better

reading and saying all of this just makes it sound SO simple and SO stupid

2:18 PM Friend: yeahI know. Totally. For me, I know its about exercise. Because I love food, cooking, and eating, i will have to figure out another way. because i will never be happy not eating what i want.

never.

and its the same w/ my family - i take after dad's side

the women are big

bigger than me, but still.

2:19 PM me: makes sense

Friend: i have to remember that i felt so good at my lowest. I really did. it was hard work, but it was worth it.

me: i know

me: it really was... the sad thing was at my lowest i still thought i was SO big

but looking back i looked good

still not in my 'healthy weight range' but so much better than i am now you know?

Friend: YES

completely

2:20 PM its the same with high school!

i thought i was huge

then college hit. damn.

me: yeah

stinkin mama celeste!!!!!! We used to eat them like it was our job!

2:21 PM Friend: seriously. i felt awful then. i feel i have a bit more control now at least.

me: yes -- if not control at least knowledge

if that makes sense

2:22 PM Friend: yes it totally does make sense

2:23 PM like i KNOW to eat fruits and veggies now, I KNOW what are low points. as opposed to eating whatever for the hell of it and not knowing about nutrition and stuff.

me: exactly

2:24 PM even the days that i do 'bad' now are still SO much better than i used to be

ill at least still get in all my fruits and veggies and not waste points on soda and juice

2:25 PM Friend:YES. exactly. but still doesn't translate to weight loss. thats where the mind comes in.

and thats the hard part.

me: exactly

Thoughts? Why do we do this to ourselves? I'd love to hear what different people think on the topic.

Sometimes being grownup stinks

I'm having a bit of a stressful morning. And I'm trying really hard not to let my frustrations come out on the BROWNIES in the kitchen!

Here's a recap of my day so far...

(I sent this email to Ar this morning so I'm just copying and pasting)

So I set up automatic payments for our mortgage. But it was really confusing as to when it would start. I didn't know if they would start on Feb 1 or March 1. I set the payments on up Jan 31. And then figured I'd wait til the 2nd to go ahead and make a payment... in case they started on Feb 1. So As of Sat no payment was made, and there's nowhere to see scheduled payments or anything. So fine, I go in and make a manual payment for this bill period.

I then get an email on the THIRD saying my first auto payment is scheduled for Feb FIRST! Which there is no record of it coming out of my bank account. So I start freaking out a little bit because now it means I'm going to make TWO payments. Ugh. So first thing yesterday I called and talked to a very nice lady who said that no no, the first auto payment is set for March 1 and the payment that was taken out overnight was the payment I had scheduled separately and that the autodraft wasn't scheduled to start until March. So fine -- all is good.

Well today I come in and my balance is NEGATIVE a lot of dollars. [A bunch of expletives removed]. I just got off the phone with the mortgage company who was like oh sorry, we can't do anything for you. So now I have to call my bank to see if they can stop payment or something.

Update -- I've called the bank and they were like we can try to stop payment but it takes 3 days and this is going to clear tonight, so it's probably not going to work. I think you should get the mortgage company to reverse the payment -- they can do that. So I call Wells Fargo back AGAIN. And it takes like 10 minutes to get through all the automated stuff and get to a person. So I get a person I tell her the story (for the 3rd time) and shes like oh my, hold on I can't help you but let me find someone who can.

So I talked to a guy who said he can get it reversed but it will take 5-7 business days. Sooo until then I can't spend a penny because I'll get charged a $35 overdraft fee for each transaction on my account. I'm also flying home this weekend -- so having money would maybe be nice.

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I'm trying not to flip out too much. But I've NEVER overdrawn my account. EVER! I have money in a separate savings account that could cover it - but that takes like 3 days to transfer too. So hopefully one of the transfers will get there soon :)

Onto WW stuff! I had a terrible eating day yesterday. Ate more sugar than I can even remember. Got in a good workout though so that was at least good. And I ran for 4 minutes straight! Sounds so pitiful but I was so proud!!!! Total I ran for 10 minutes which was good. Tonight I'm hoping to get there in time for STEP! Yeah APs.

Menu time...

Bfast:
Samoa girlscout cookie- 2
Pumpkin Waffles - 3

Snack:
Naner muffin - 2

Lunch:
Couscous w/ veggies - 3
leftover garden salmon cake - 3
Soup - 1

Snacks:
grapes - 1
cherries - 1

Dinner:
Campbells Super Bake -- didn't make it last night so I'll make it tonight and add veggie to it - 7

Trying not to have ANY(more) sweets today. I had a samoa that was in the kitchen. Damn the girl scouts. But NO brownies or cake or cookies... all of which are sitting in the kitchen right now. I can do this!!!!

Cookie Lovin

I had a lunch meeting today. Panera boxed lunches were served. I ordered them, so I went with the 1/2 salad, 1/2 sandwich, portion of whole grain baguette, and a damn cookie. That's what the lunch comes with. I figured I'd have the salad (2 points for dressing), veggie sandwich (6 points) and bread (2 points). Totally doable, filling and fits within my points. But what did I end up eating? The salad (2), bread (2), and the COOKIE!!! For 8 points. WOOPS! But it's not going to ruin my week. Not even going to ruin my day. I had a cookie. It was yummy. Am I annoyed I caved and ate it? Sure. But is it the end of the world, heck no. I'm forging on! I've got AP points coming my way (in the form of my trainer kicking my ass tonight) and I still have 15 flex points between today and tomorrow. I will be ok.

And, in exciting news my friend is in labor (if you're lost read this post)! Looks like I will be heading to PA this weekend assuming all goes well. Which means a LOT of things....

1. I will be in the car for at least 17 hours between Sat and Tuesday
2. I will be out of my 'safe' zone (aka at my parents house, not mine)
3. I will be hanging out at my friends house where there is bound to be lots of 'welcome to the world baby' food around
4. Basically, I will be challenged

I've decided that I can do it though. I'm going to pack my sneaks and workout gear. While I'm sure it will be 2 degrees out, there is a track two blocks from my parent's house. So I will go and will walk/run. AND my Nike Plus is supposed to be coming tomorrow, so that will give me the motivation to actually GO out and run.

Update!!! She had the baby!!! It's a little boy! I don't know any other details now. YAY BABIES!

And onto the boring (but important) stuff.

Gym today after work! Planning on 25 minutes of walking and 5 minutes of jogging. Then 30 minutes with my trainer. We're doing arms. Not so great that I'm babysittng tomorrow and won't be able to pick up the little one! HA!

Menu:
Bfast:
2 eggo waffles - 2

Snack:
pretzels - 1

Lunch:
Panera Debacle - 12

Snack:
Pumpkin Oatmeal Cookies - 2
PB Bliss bar - 1

Dinner:
Cousin Dan's Chili - 4
Light Sour cream and some cheese - 2
Two pieces of bread - 1

Snack:
Something for 2-3 after the gym. APs WOO!

Crap!

I've had a slow day at work. Well that's a lie, my morning was actually quite busy and productive. Then I met up with a friend for lunch at 12. I did good -- went to Panera and got the low fat garden veggie soup (1.5), 1/2 salad (2) and piece of whole grain baguette (3). Totally doable, yes? Yes. But then I got back to work and it was only 1. I usually take lunch at 1 or 2 so my afternoons are shorter. I have no work to do this afternoon... so it's just been dragging along. And what do I do when I'm bored? You guessed it... mindless munching!!

So instead of being right on track I've had a handful of pretzels and some peanut M&Ms. Damn it! But my entire day isn't ruined, I know that much. Trouble is I was trying to save a lot of points as we're going to Wild Wing Cafe tonight, and greasy bar food is my weakness (ok ONE of my weaknesses). I just need to keep reminding myself that I need to hop on the scale first thing tomorrow morning.

So here's my plan... from work I'm going to hit the gym. 25 minutes of walking and 5 minutes of jogging. Maybe more, we'll see how anxious I am to get out of there. Go home, shower, and grab something to eat for 3-4 points. Something somewhat filling. Then we'll head out around 7:45 and hopefully I'll be able to resist most of the yummies!

So I currently have 7 points left, will get 3 APs (10 points) and have 6 flex points left for the week (16 points total). BUT, since I weigh in tomorrow night, I'd like to keep my munching to a minimum tonight, so I'm going to allow myself a few TASTES, as in SMALL BITES, tonight... but not much else. Wish me luck!!

One of those days

I can already tell today is going to be one of those really hard days to get through. I woke up RAVENOUS. Got to work and promptly had some oatmeal (Quaker Simple Harvest -- so yummy). About a half hour later my stomach was growling again. Yikes! So I had a few pretzels, only 1 point worth. Another half hour STILL hungry. Ugh. It's 11am. I've already eaten 5 points... which is fine, but I'm STILL hungry.

Tonight I'm off to the gym to meet with my trainer, and to get in a good 30 min walk on the treadmill before. At least I know there are APs in my future!!

Hopefully I can focus on getting some work done and ignore the urge to snack. Here's my random menu of the day...

Breakfast:
Quaker Simple Harvest - 3
Pretzels - 1
TJs cheddar twist - 1.5

Lunch:
Smoothie King Pineapple Pleasure (Skinny) - 3
2 TJs whole wheat low carb tortillas w/ 2 oz cabot 50% reduced fat cheese, spinach and peppers - 4

Snacks:
WW Chocoalte mint crisp bar - 2
WW chocoalte cake - 1

Dinner (totally random):
TJs frozen pizza - 5
scrambled eggs (1 egg, 2 egg whites) - 2.5

Snacks:
Something for 3 points after the gym!! - 3

APs:
30 mins walking: 2
30 mins Lifting: 2

Just felt like I should post today, though I don't have too much to day!

I have been doing my best at tracking points, but could be doing a lot better. I'm hoping to turn all of that around today! I did cave and went to lunch with some coworkers but I did good! Got grilled chicken and mashed potatoes. Could have been MUCH worse :)

Also -- tonight is trainer time at the gym! Yikes! I am also officially starting my triathlon training! (Carrie, you KNOW you want to play too!!!) Starting out easy with a revamped version of the Couch to 5k. So today I have a 25 minute walk and then lifting with my trainer. I'll probably do 30 mins walking as I'll get to the gym early enough. I know -- it's an intense start. Ha! But here's what my Jan/Feb training schedule looks like. A bit lax, so I'm hoping to get some lifting in there as well.

(click image to make larger)

(click image to make larger)

Tonight for dinner I think I'm going to have the 0 point soup that was supposed to be lunch with some crackers and maybe a little cheese. YUM!

Friday Check In

Yesterday I did good during the day at work. Even with a work meeting at lunch. But then I went home and grazed all night. ARGH! But somehow STILL have flex points left which is good! I have a party tonight, party tomorrow night, and cookie baking party on Sunday. Then on the scale I go on Monday. But I'm thinking I might hit up the Tues afternoon meeting again. Just give myself a day to really detox. We shall see.

I'm trying to go really easy on points today because rumor has it there are crab cakes and raspberry brie tartlets! YIKES! Not to mention cookies and yummy beverages. So I'm sticking to hopefully under 10 points today so I'll have 16 left for tonight (Yes -- I really do get 26 points a day) I'm also going to the gym after work. Thinking maybe a spin class so I'll get like 5 APs. Then I'd feel like I really earned the right to go to a party. But because of the time restraint I might have to just hit the elliptical/treadmill HARD.

Ok soooo my menu....

Bfast:
2 waffles - 2
1/2 banana - 1

Lunch:
0 point progresso - 0
crackers - 1
3/4 oz cheddar cheese - 2
2 clems - 0.5

Snacks:
celelry w/ 1 tbsp light ranch - 1
sugar free jello - 0
fruit rollup - 1
bag of light popcorn - 1

That's 9.5 total. So if I stick to it I'll be fine. It's sticking to it that is the hard part......

Wish me luck!


Update... I JUST TURNED DOWN A DONUT! This is unheard of territory. But someone came up to my desk with a box of dunkin donuts glazed donuts (one of my favorites) and said this one has your name on it! I looked. I thought. I PASSED! Even after he wafted their delicious scent in my direction. WOOHOO!

One Day at a Time

I've been eating out a lot. And not healthy places like Subway... no no, like Applebees, Buffalo Wild Wings, Smokey Bones. Not good.

But today I woke up and decided I was going to have a good day. I was going to go to bed and feel good about the choices I made. I'll deal with tomorrow, when it comes. But for right now I'm focusing on today!

So here's the rundown...

Breakfast:
Quaker Simple Harvest maple brown sugar w/ pecans - 3 (Has anyone tried this stuff? I REALLY Like it!!)

Snack:
Roni's Banana Pumpkin Muffins (I did 12 muffins, theyre yum!) - 1

Lunch:
Barilla Plus Pasta - 3
Meatball - 2
Sausage - 1
Sauce - 0

Snack:
Progresso LIGHT soup - 0 points! They are yummy!!!
crackers - 1
Light cheese - 2

Dinner:
Not sure yet -- something on the go as I'm babysitting after work. I'll probably make a sandwich to bring with me. But sometimes they feed me, so I'll play it by ear. I'll have 10 points left so that should be more than enough :)

Here's to a good today TODAY!

Frightening

This picture from the MS 150 is just downright scary.

It's a good kick in the pants though!! So that's good.

I've been slacking all week. I've just been tired, lazy, and eating CRAP! And it showed on the scale. I hopped on this morning to a SIX POUND GAIN! In 2 weeks? 6 pounds? NOT COOL. I'm right back to where I started 4 weeks ago.

Instead of throwing today out the window and starting fresh tomorrow with a new week -- I'm starting TODAY. I was watching the biggest loser from Tuesday night last night and something one of the girls said really stuck with me. Her goal t-shirt said "To finish what I started." And I want to do that! I want to just finish this... at least the LOSS part. I know it's a lifelong journey... but to just be finished the losing weight and onto the maintaining stage would be great. So this time I'm starting, and I'm not stopping til I finish! I dont care how long it takes me... but I've had it with starting and stopping.

And so.... I'm starting this for the last time today. I'm sure I'll get off track and give into temptations, but I will not stop. I will not give up. I will do this. Just think how easy the MS 150 will be next year when I'm not carrying around an extra 40 pounds!

Bring it!

Todays menu so far...

Breakfast:
PB&J - 3.5

Lunch:
Chili - 4
1/3 oz cheddar cheese - 1
1 tbsp light sour cream - 0.5

Snacks:
pear - 1
strawberries - 0
sugar free jello - 0
Ginger snaps - 3

Dinner:
Turkey sausage, tomato and onion stoup (RR recipe that I'm playing with to make it lighter -- will post tomorrow if it turns out ok!) - 5
Salad - 2
Bread - 3

I'm also going to get off my ASS tonight and clean the house! It's a disaster. All of my bags from the weekend are still sitting around the house. It needs a good dusted, swept, and mopped, the huge pile of mail needs to be dealt with, laundry needs to be put away. So tonight I will do that. Tomorrow morning Ar and I have a 50k ride at 8:30, then friends from out of town are coming over for dinner so it will be a busy day. There will be home made ice cream sandwiches at dinner so I'll have one with the flex points I earned! Woohoo!