A little background... this is one of my best friends since I was in first grade. We went to different high schools, but then the same college. As for this weekend -- I'm heading home for a BIG family party. My cousin is coming home from Iraq so there will be every sort of Philly comfort food in large supply (soft pretzels, cheese steaks, hoagies, etc).
me:dude, i need to get back on track starting NOW... not tomorrow, not sat but NOW!
2:06 PM if i wait til tomorrow ill eat my face off tonight... then tomorrow ill say F it til i get back on sun night which will be BAD ..... sooo much food is in my future this weekend
2:07 PM Friend: yes, completely. keep telling yourself that. and this weekend, TASTE things but dont go crazy if you can help it.
me: i know
i just dont understand why i do this you know?
like how do i stand at the kitchen counter eating pretzels when in my head im literally saying "youre not hungry... you dont need this..."
but i still take another bite... SO stupid but i literally cant stop sometimes
ugh!!!!
2:10 PM Friend: i do the same. sabatoging self.
its awful
me: but why... why do we do it?
i just dont get it
Friend: is it some deep thing about not really liking ourselves or something? or not really believing we'll ever be thin? so we might as well just eat away anyway.
god i hope not
me: thats probably it
2:11 PM so silly and sad
2:14 PM Friend: it is. its like subconscious
me: i feel like if i could figure out the answer to why i don't just listen to my body... then id be much better off
2:16 PM Friend: I think thats what it is with me. I'm like, well I can get down to 116 or so, thats the lowest ive been. meanwhile i read and hear things that say someone my height should be 100 lbs. so its like, wahts the point? i'm always going to be "curvy". i'll never be like my sister. and i'll always love food, cooking, and eating.
me: yes
i mean look at ALL the women in my family
2:17 PM its almost like i figure im destined to be overweight so why bother?
but i never feel GOOD after mindless "f it" eating
it doesnt make anything better
reading and saying all of this just makes it sound SO simple and SO stupid
2:18 PM Friend: yeahI know. Totally. For me, I know its about exercise. Because I love food, cooking, and eating, i will have to figure out another way. because i will never be happy not eating what i want.
never.
and its the same w/ my family - i take after dad's side
the women are big
bigger than me, but still.
2:19 PM me: makes sense
Friend: i have to remember that i felt so good at my lowest. I really did. it was hard work, but it was worth it.
me: i know
me: it really was... the sad thing was at my lowest i still thought i was SO big
but looking back i looked good
still not in my 'healthy weight range' but so much better than i am now you know?
Friend: YES
completely
2:20 PM its the same with high school!
i thought i was huge
then college hit. damn.
me: yeah
stinkin mama celeste!!!!!! We used to eat them like it was our job!
2:21 PM Friend: seriously. i felt awful then. i feel i have a bit more control now at least.
me: yes -- if not control at least knowledge
if that makes sense
2:22 PM Friend: yes it totally does make sense
2:23 PM like i KNOW to eat fruits and veggies now, I KNOW what are low points. as opposed to eating whatever for the hell of it and not knowing about nutrition and stuff.
me: exactly
2:24 PM even the days that i do 'bad' now are still SO much better than i used to be
ill at least still get in all my fruits and veggies and not waste points on soda and juice
2:25 PM Friend:YES. exactly. but still doesn't translate to weight loss. thats where the mind comes in.
and thats the hard part.
me: exactly
Thoughts? Why do we do this to ourselves? I'd love to hear what different people think on the topic.
1 comment:
Wow, it was amazing reading your conversation with your friend cause that is all me. I sit there and put things into my mouth and as I'm eating this going, I don't want this, I don't need this. Why the hell am I eating this??? It's so frustrating. Last week was my bad week, and it was all mental. I just couldn't get out of my head and get back on track.
In college I lost about 30 lbs and wanted to lose another 20 more. I felt a lot better about myself then, but still thought I was so big and really wanted to lose more. I look back now and think, man I wish I was there! But one other thing I try to do is keep it all in perspective. I try to remind myself that there are people who look at me and think, "I would love to be her size." Hell, I look at you and think that! For some reason that helps me.
Hang in there. Hope your week gets better!
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