Damn COOKIES

I woke up this morning ready to be good. Yesterday was a good start... but it wasnt a perfect day. So I am striving for a perfect day. And PK brought in these amazing looking CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!!!! EEEEEK!

I havent had any yet. I am being strong. I am working on my willpower. Which is less than steller. So bad that last night when I got home from babysitting at 10:30 I went for a cookie. There were 5 left. And I actually THREW OUT the other 4 so I wouldnt eat them. I draw the line at eating out of the trash. When Ar went to have a cookie she asked if I ate them and I said I ate one and threw the rest out. She was not happy with this and just couldn't understand it. And was like I could have brought them into work, I would have eaten them... who throws out perfectly good cookies?! And I said look at it this way, if I didnt throw them out I would have eaten them so just pretend like I ate them... either way you wouldnt have gotten any. But I just get so upset with myself and embarresed that I dont want to talk about it or even try to explain. Though I realize that someone whos never really had a problem with weight won't ever truly understand what I go through everyday.

So last night I fell asleep feeling all bad for myself. Boohoo for me. I have food issues. I can't help it. She will never understand how hard it is for me. Wah Wah. Well this morning on my way to work I thought about it.. and ya know what? Yeah, it does suck. But I am the only one who can change it. And I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and start ACTING on it.

I cant decide if I should allow myself one cookie... or if I should just steer clear altogether. So we'll see what happens. I'm thinking of putting a cookie on my desk and see how long I can leave it there without eating it. I realize that might be torture... but I've gotta start somewhere.

Bfast:
oatmeal (2)

Snack:
ww yogurt (1)

Lunch:
LC french bread pizza (7)
applesauce (1)
pretzels (2)

Snack:
triscuits w/ laughing cow light (3)

Dinner:
5 oz lean hamburger (4.5)
english muffin (1)
baked potato fries (2.5)

And a snack ONLY if I get any APs. I'm hoping to go to the gym after work to lift and then maybe ride the trainer while I watch Thurs night TV.

As for the Biggest Loser I did get to watch the entire thing! Oh my goodness let's start with Poppi!! She looked AMAZING! A size 2!! TWO!!! Incredible. She totally deserved the prize money. And Brian looks like a different person!!!! Incredible! Also very deserving of the thousands (I dont remember the specific amounts everyone won). Kai, Wylie and Erik all looked AMAZING. As much as I dislike Kai... I've gotta give it to her that she looked amazing. Her face was like GONE!! Good for her. Even if she is annoying :) Wylie looked great too. But Erik... GOOD LORD WHERE DID HE GO?!?!?!?!?!?! Astounding! And little miss 5 months pregnant Heather looked great too. She must have gone home and gotten RIGHT down to business. heehee. It was a great finale. I cried like 12 times. So inspiring. If they can do it... all of us can do it!!!

Ok... thats it for now :) Off to eat my oatmeal and NOT a cookie...